To Be or Not To Be- A Letter to Self
Hamlet asks a question. "Is it better to live with pain or end it all ?" Is life really worth all the suffering, the loss, the hurt feelings? But the fear of the afterlife is worse. What if we end our lives only to go through an even worse nightmare?
Waking up with hopes of a better day. The hesitant thoughts of what-ifs of each day are painful. What if the day goes badly? What if I don’t finish this task before the project deadline? The infinite what-ifs....
No matter how perfect our plan is, something tends to go wrong at times and, sometimes, all the time. And our self-doubts, asking ourselves if the plan was a failure or if it was a bad timing.
And the incurable pain. I have Cervical spondilosis and a weak abdomen. When I am stressed, I am in pain.
Should I keep trying, or should I walk away? Shall I try one more time and still lose or give up entirely? It shows during burnout, when routine feels heavy in the chest. This feeling of dread that we feel mostly when no one is watching is normal. This is a letter to myself and to all who feel this and still keep pushing, still fight each day and try to give our best despite everything we have gone through.
People call me brave, they say that I have it all under control, but no, I have fears too, fears about my tomorrow, my daughter, my health and many other things. I am human too, just like everyone. Like Hamlet, we often don't stop because of the fear of the unknown. We stay in complicated relationships, jobs, or situations because of this fear.
Choosing to be doesn't mean we are fearless. Yet we choose to fight it one day at a time, wait for things to change, and it will all be worth it. And so I tell myself that.
Some days will be chaos. But I choose to try, keep pushing, endure, and try harder, trying again the next day, over and over.
Is it overthinking? Maybe? A pause button to life because of all these thoughts. Again, maybe.
Despite these pauses, as nonstop emotions flood my thoughts, I try to find my purpose and be more human each day, even when it hurts. I try to be kinder even though I need it myself. I try to find my way despite unclear roads and foggy days, for life's meaning often knocks on your door during the most uncertain of times.
To be or not to be - I choose To be now, today, and hope I will feel the same way until my time comes and I become ashes…
What are all your thoughts on this? What do you tell yourself on difficult days? How do you get through pain and suffering?
Comments
Post a Comment